Dressing Like a Penguin

Lyrics and Music ©2011 by Bill Roper

FilkOntario has an annual at-con songwriting contest where they provide you with the list of required words and you have to construct a song using all of them. One of the words is always "penguin". The other five words this year were "devious", "thighs", "chocolate", "relieved", and "loremaster". I thought about this for a bit and realized that I could manage a song using these. So I did.

I placed second, behind Jen Midkiff's "42 -- No, Chocolate!", which was just fine.

       A                             A7
My Loremaster has me worried, she is devious and sly,
    D                                     D7
And though I'm one hot wizard, she thinks that I'm just some guy.
She thinks she's got me wired as she sends me on a quest
       F#m7                         B7               E7
So I'm stepping out in character to show her I'm the best.

    D                               D7
I'm dressing like a penguin from my head down to my toes,
       A                               A7
‘Cause wizard robes are quite passe as everybody knows.
Now I'm wearing a tuxedo with a cane and my top hat.
       F                                    E7      F7    E7   A
It was good enough for Mandrake, so there's nothing wrong with that.

When I tore off that wizard's robe, she knew she'd been deceived,
And then I saw her smilin'– I was feeling quite relieved.
"You're looking awful classy," she said with shining eyes.
I said, "I didn't wear this suit to prevent chafing thighs."

I'm dancing through the dungeon and I'm giving evil pain.
I don't need to kill them with a staff – I'll dispell them with my cane.
And if they think they've got me trapped, they're wrong in thinking that.
     F#m7                           B7             E7
I've got the proper spell to pull a rabbit from my hat.

She said, "Now your tuxedo covers up a lot of sin.
If two guys brought me chocolate, well, the well-dressed guy would win."
I said, "I've got Godiva in the pocket of my vest
So when this quest is over, we can see what suits you best."

       F                                    E7      F7    E7   A
It was good enough for Mandrake, so there's nothing wrong with that.

It worked for Zatara too.
If you'd like, I can conjure up a matching outfit for you,
‘Cause you would make one fine Zatanna.
Hey there, sweet mama,
Who's your daddy?
Oh, yeah.